


and the worst part (there's no one else to blame)

by harleeq



Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Angst, Everyone Loves Lalisa Manoban | Lisa, Fluff, Gen, Hurt Lalisa Manoban | Lisa, Hurt/Comfort, Lisa is the baby of the family, OT4, OT4 as family, Protective Kim Jisoo, Protective Unnies, Sickfic, seriously so many family feels
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2020-06-14 22:29:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19595935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harleeq/pseuds/harleeq
Summary: Lisa is sick and overworked and it all catches up to her at the worst possible time.(Or the one where Blackpink really love their maknae and if she can't take care of herself they'll just do it for her.)





	1. Chapter 1

Lisa tries to hold her head as steady as possible, backstage crew members and makeup artists racing around her to get her presentable for the stage. The throbbing in her head has been persistent since the night before and it only continues to grow worse, along with a deep ache that's settled in her bones. It was truly taking all of her energy just to keep herself standing.

But she’s always been good at putting on a face and despite the inner turmoil she feels she knows the bodies around her remain unaware of her distress, and she’s more than happy to keep it that way. The last thing she wants to do is worry her unnies and cause even more stress on all of them. It’s been consistently drilled into all of their heads how imperative it is this North American tour goes off without a hitch and how important it is to their future. She refuses to jeopardize this for them. 

It’s been a crazy month for all of them and she’s positive Jisoo, Jennie, and Chaeyoung are feeling just as drained as she is by now. So despite how shaky her legs feel and how much her vision dances every time she shifts her gaze, she’s going to power through it for this last show.

A light tap on her back tells her she’s ready to go. She takes a breath to steady herself and walks over to join Jisoo by the lift that will raise them to the stage. She’s proud of herself for not stumbling over her feet and remaining balanced and upright despite the dizziness that hits her when she moves. 

She has to force herself not to look at Jisoo when she comes to a stop next to her, shoulders brushing together. She knows one look into the older girl’s eyes will be her undoing. No one can see through her facades as quickly as Jisoo does so not establishing eye contact is key. But dammit if the room doesn’t start to spin even more and she finds it impossible to not lean on the most stable object closest to her, which just so happens to be Jisoo. 

“Lisa?” She hears a worried voice whisper as an arm slips around her thin waist to steady her. Despite the charade she is trying to pull off, she can’t help but lean further into the warm embrace her unnie provides. Jisoo’s arms never fail to disarm her and make her feel safe. She just needs this quick minute of respite to gather her strength and then she’ll be good to go for the performance.

She closes her eyes and leans her pounding head onto Jisoo’s shoulder. “Just tired, unnie.” 

She can’t see Jisoo’s face but she knows her unnie isn’t convinced by her words, she can tell by the way the arm around her waist tightens and the older girl’s body tenses. The hand that isn’t currently holding her up snakes around to press against her forehead. She sighs at how cool the touch feels against her. 

“Oy! Lisa, you’re burning up!” Jisoo hisses, pulling the younger girl closer to her. Lisa winces at the severity of Jisoo’s tone but can’t help but cuddle closer into the other girl despite it. Everything just hurts a little less when Jisoo holds her. 

“Okay guys! Last show let’s kill it!” A voice from behind them interrupts before any other words can be said. Jennie and Chaeyoung have appeared beside them, Jennie’s excited words ringing in the air. Lisa peers up at them through heavy eyelids and can see the beaming smiles on both their faces, and it makes her remember why she decided to whip herself into shape in the first place.

Get it together, Manoban! They’re counting on you…

She manages to pick her head up off of Jisoo’s shoulder and offer a small smile in return, but she sees the way Jennie’s face falls and she knows the other girl instantly knows something is wrong. 

“Lili, are you okay?” 

At Jennie’s soft words, Chaeyoung looks over her as well, brow creased in concern as her hand comes to rest across the small of Lisa’s back. Lisa wants to roll her eyes, because of course she was dumb enough to believe she could hide anything from these girls at this point. But in the end the effort is too much and she just offers as much of a reassuring smile as she can manage.

“I’m okay. Just tir—“

“Don’t you dare say you’re just tired, Lalisa!” Jisoo scolds her. The older girl still as a tight arm wrapped around her and the hand that was resting against her forehead is now cupping her cheek and rubbing soothing circles with her thumb. “She’s sick! Her skin is on fire!” 

She groans as she is immediately swarmed by the other two girls who are now all worried noises and soft touches. Jennie brings a hand to her other cheek and Chaeyoung uses the back of her hand to feel her forehead. Under normal circumstances, Lisa would gladly eat up all of the attention she was currently receiving, however at the moment every brush of contact and concerned coo was overwhelming and painful.

“Lisa!” Chaeyoung hisses, retracting her hand away as if she’d been burned. “Jisoo unnie is right, you’re burning up.” The hand on her back starts rubbing a familiar pattern that makes her remember the times Chaeyoung would curl around her in the middle of the night after a nightmare, the soothing up and down motion and soft scratches always managing to root her back in reality and calm her down. 

Jennie doesn’t say anything but her hand doesn’t leave Lisa’s cheek and her eyes have darkened in concern. 

Lisa forces herself upright once again, shrugging away from all of the hands clinging to her. “Guys, I’m fine. I’m not dying it’s just a cold.” She says, and she’s proud of the fact her voice doesn’t crack once. 

Jisoo doesn’t try to initiate contact again but she puts a hand to her hip and looks at Lisa with a hardened no nonsense sort of gaze and Lisa knows that Jisoo has full on activated her ‘mom-mode’ as she and the other girls jokingly called it. 

(It was a joke until it was happening and then it was just plain terrifying.)

“You can’t go out there like this, Lisa. You’re barely holding yourself up.” Her unnie shakes her head and narrows her eyes. “I knew something was up when you were the last to roll out of bed this morning.” She murmurs. 

“Okay, girls! Thirty seconds!” A voice calls from behind them.

“Wait she can’t—“ Jisoo starts but Lisa—with a strength she didn’t know she still had—reaches out and clamps down on Jisoo’s arm, stopping the other girl’s words before they could finish.

“Jisoo unnie, stop! I’ve been sick and tired before and powered through it, I can do it for one more show.” Lisa squeezes her arm reassuringly. “You’ve been on stage countless times with a back injury, none of us tried to stop you because we knew it would be pointless. This is no different.” 

And it wasn’t. They were expected to perform and be on point no matter the occasion. It didn’t matter if Jisoo had a back sprain, if Jennie didn’t get enough sleep the night before, if Chaeyoung was throwing up in the bathroom before every show, they had a brand to uphold and if it wasn’t done to a certain standard they would find another individual who could live up to those expectations. It was just the nature of the world they live in. 

And as stressful and hectic as their schedule could be some months, Lisa wouldn’t trade it for the world. She loves what she does and she loves the girls in front of her too much to risk losing it all.

The show must go on.

“Lice, this isn’t the same.” Chaeyoung replies with her usual soft tone. 

Lisa didn’t bother dignifying that with a response, she simply lifts her head high, narrows her eyes in determination and walks out onto the lift. The others follow behind her reluctantly, evidently knowing they’ve lost the battle. She only spares them a quick glance and the look of pity Chaeyoung is shooting her is almost too much to handle and the silent conversation Jisoo and Jennie seem to be having with each other is the icing on top of the cake. 

She tries to stare straight ahead and focus on her breathing, to ignore the protective bubble her unnies are trying to surround her with because really it just makes her want to curl into a ball and let them nurse her back to health and she can’t afford to think like that right now as it’s taking all of her energy just to stand upright.   
Everything around them vibrates as the bass of the intro music begins to pump through the stadium and the roar of the audience is already deafening. They are no sooner brought up onto stage in a haze of smoke and lighting effects when the adrenaline kicks in. 

The high Lisa feels every time she performs is enough to mask how foggy everything around her seems. She focuses on the sound of the music and the screaming fans in front of her and tries her best to ignore the eyes of her fellow members staring at her every chance they get.

She’s sure it’s not noticeable to the audience, but she definitely catches each concerned glance the other girls throw in her direction. She feeds off the energy of the crowd though, and by the time Kill this Love has ended she is in her element and she refuses to think about the pounding in her skull. 

She gets through the first few songs okay—in fact better than okay, really. Her performance hasn’t lacked at all, if the crowd reaction is anything to go by. With the exception of the never ending watchful eyes of her unnies and the occasional touch of support they give to her any moment they possibly can, the experience tonight really hasn’t differed from any of the others they’ve had over the past month.

It isn’t until they have to go through their first wardrobe change that it all catches up with her. They’re not backstage more than a few seconds when it seems as though all of the adrenaline keeping her body moving is just sapped from her very bones.

She comes to a halt as the entire room begins to tilt, and she feels herself go sideways. She connects with something solid, which thankfully keeps her upright. Her hands grasp what she’s pretty sure is a chair and she closes her eyes in attempt to escape the spinning.

When she opens her eyes again it’s as if everything is now moving in slow motion. She watches as Jisoo is the first to notice her predicament and if the situation weren’t so dire she’s positive she would laugh at how comically wide the older girl’s eyes got when she spotted their youngest member. 

The other girls whip around and it’s then that Lisa realizes she can’t hear anything. She sees Jisoo’s lips forming words as all three of them begin to rush in her direction, but she only hears a pounding echoing in her ears as her legs begin to quake. 

She feels herself begin to fall and she tries her best to form words to warn them, but she’s pretty sure the only thing that escapes is a grunt of pain and frustration. She’s pretty sure the matching expressions of terror on the other girls’ faces is something that is going to haunt her for some time.

She can’t stop it from happening and even though they are all launching themselves in her direction she knows they aren’t going to make it in time. There’s a sharp crack followed by an intense pain in her temple and her vision explodes in dancing white lights. She hears the frantic screams of her unnies but can only really focus on the blinding hot pain shooting through her head as everything around her fades out of existence.


	2. Chapter 2

Jisoo has picked a spot on the white tiled floor to stare at, trying hard to focus on her breathing and ignore the weight pressed against her chest. The sterile smell that comes with every hospital threatens to overwhelm her and she can’t control the way her knee continuously bounces up and down in an attempt to expel nervous energy.

Jennie has taken to pacing back and forth while Chaeyoung is curled up in a chair next to her, small whimpers occasionally escaping from her bundled up form. The younger girl hasn’t stopped crying since it happened and while Jisoo wants to offer her comfort she finds she has nothing left to give as all of her own energy is being used to keep her from losing what little emotional stability she has right now.

Watching their maknae collapse, hearing the sickening sound of her head colliding with the edge of that table on her way to the ground, and worst of all not being able to reach her in time before she crumpled lifelessly to the hard floor…

Jisoo knows she’s going to be haunted by that moment for the rest of her life. 

She has to swallow down the urge to vomit as she remembers the amount of blood covering the side of Lisa’s face and the ground beneath her head. Jisoo had gotten to her first and the stark contrast of the girl’s pale ashen complexion to the crimson red covering her skin is the only thing Jisoo is able to clearly remember.

Everything that had happened after Lisa collapsed is just a blur of activity that has somehow resulted in them all now sitting in the waiting room of the nearest emergency room, desperately waiting news on their maknae’s condition. 

Tears spring to Jisoo’s eyes as guilt once again threatens to consume her. 

She takes her job as the eldest of the group seriously, and while she may tease Lisa the most, may be the first to join in with the younger girl’s crazy antics on most occasions, no matter how immature some may see her as Lisa is her baby sister first and foremost and she takes personal responsibility for the girl’s safety and well-being. She has since day one and she will for the rest of her life.

So it’s no wonder the guilt is tearing at her heart for allowing something like this to happen In the first place. And while she knows that Jennie and Chaeyoung are feeling similar emotions, based on the hole Jennie has worn into the ground with her pacing and the tear drenched, red cheeks of Chaeyoung, Jisoo knows at the end of the day she is the one they all turn to for security. 

This is on her and her alone. 

She knew something wasn’t right when the maknae was the last to roll out of bed that morning instead of being the one to physically yank the rest of them from their sound sleep. She narrowed her eyes in concern when Lisa only took a few bites of her breakfast instead of scarfing it down in the blink of an eye like she usually does.

Lisa had looked so drained throughout the entire day, and Jisoo had just written it off as the exhaustion they were all beginning to feel after a long tour in a foreign country. She had eyed her all the way through rehearsal, where Lisa’s movements—while precise as always—were sluggish and half-hearted at best. 

She should have intervened and said something to their manager during each one of these instances but she didn’t. And she should’ve never allowed Lisa to talk her into being able to perform after realizing how sick the other girl actually was. 

She had been selfish and put the needs of their image before the wellbeing of their little sister and that was just unacceptable. 

“What the hell is taking so long?” Jennie huffs, still pacing back and forth with the same frenzied steps she’s been taking since Lisa disappeared behind the doors in front of them.

Jisoo isn’t sure how long they’ve actually been here, but she feels Jennie’s frustration at the fact that it certainly seems to have been an eternity since they’ve last seen Lisa or any doctors. Their manager oppa is still in the corner making phone calls— notifying the people that need to be in the loop and trying to play damage control most likely.

She can’t bring herself to care about any of that…YG, Blackpink’s reputation, what fans are probably thinking and saying right now, none of that matters to her in this moment. She just needs someone to walk out of those doors and tell them that Lisa is okay.

“She’ll be okay.” Jisoo whispers, trying to sound reassuring. “And in a few minutes someone will come out and tell us that.” 

Lisa will be okay. She’ll be okay because none of them will be able to face the reality of her being anything else.

Her words do little to appease anyone. Jennie is still pacing, Chaeyoung is still crying, and Jisoo still finds it hard to breathe. 

They continue on like that for another immeasurable amount of time before the door finally opens and reveals a man with greying hair and glasses, dressed in a white coat and carrying a clipboard. 

It’s obviously the doctor and Jisoo has never felt more simultaneously relieved and scared in her life. She and Chaeyoung stand to attention immediately and Jennie whirls around to face him. She’s sure they must look nearly as pale as Lisa after she fell.

Manager oppa says something curt to whoever he has on the line and hangs up as he nearly sprints over to them. His eyes match the level of frantic worry that is swirling around in all of them and the doctor must notice because he gives them all a reassuring smile.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Weiss. I assume you’re all for Miss Manoban?” He asks, his words professional but his tone warm and kind.

“Yes!” Chaeyoung squeaks out as Jisoo is only able to give a stiff nod in reply. 

“How is—“ 

“Is Lisa—is she gonna be okay?” Jennie cuts off manager oppa and fumbles out the question, her voice shaking with barely restrained emotions that Jisoo has never heard from the girl before.

“She’s going to be just fine.” 

Everyone lets out the breath they’ve been holding for the past who knows how long. Chaeyoung lets out a sob and launches herself at Jennie who clings to the taller girl and sags against her in relief. 

“She was severely dehydrated and had a significant fever, both of which we’re treating right now. She’s receiving liquids intravenously along with medication to fight the fever and infection. Looks to me like she just pushed herself a little too far past her body’s limits and that combined with the dehydration is what caused her to black out.”

Jisoo squeezes her eyes shut, guilt clawing its way through her heart once again. This all could’ve been so easily prevented…

“Now she did sustain a minor concussion during the fall, but we ran multiple tests and no significant damage was done, so rest assured there as well.” 

Dr. Weiss’ words were reassuring to say the least, but Jisoo still feels nauseated thinking about the sound of Lisa’s head connecting with that table and how lifeless she looked…

“Are you…are you sure?” Jennie asks, her voice so soft Jisoo has to strain to hear it. “There was so much blood.” The younger girl’s voice shakes on the last word and Jisoo can’t hold back her flinch, her mind conjuring up the sickening shade of red that covered the entire side of Lisa’s face within moments after she was on the ground.

“Head wounds typically bleed much more than any other type of wound. I understand it must have been quite distressing but I assure you it looked worse than it was. We’re going to obviously keep her overnight, keep her on the liquids and antibiotics, and monitor that concussion. But she’s going to be just fine after some rest.” He explains in a calm tone.

Jisoo has refrained from asking anything out loud since Dr. Weiss came out, her brain under too much stress already to be able to focus enough to remember how to form a comprehensible question in English, but her nerves won’t be calmed until she sees Lisa with her own eyes.

“Can we…see?” Her voice comes out louder and more steady than she thought it would.

Dr. Weiss smiles at her, his eyes gentle as he nods. “The medications we have her on are probably going to keep her out for the rest of the night but you all are more than welcome to go back with her.”

All of them must have looked ready to trample over him in a rush to get to Lisa’s room as Dr. Weiss chuckles and steps to the side, barely getting out Lisa’s room number before all three of them fly by him and through the door.

Jisoo is barely aware of the fact that manager oppa stays behind and begins whispering to the doctor about something. Her sole focus is getting to her little sister.

They all ignore the sour looks the nurses at the main nurses station give them as they rush past, and Jisoo knows if the situation had been any different Jennie would’ve surely given them all a piece of her mind. As it were none of them have any desire to slow down for anything.

Jisoo is the first through the door but as soon as she is far enough into the room to actually see Lisa she comes to a sudden halt. Her breath leaves her body and tears well in her eyes. She feels the intakes of breath from both Jennie and Chaeyoung as well as the other girls come to a stop right next to her.

Lisa looks so…tiny. So fragile. And if there are any two words that Jisoo would never use to describe Lisa it’s tiny and fragile. She can actually feel her heart breaking at the sight and she has to remind herself to inhale before she passes out tonight too.

“Oh, Lili.” Jennie whispers as she begins to stumble forward to Lisa’s bed, the first of them to regain the ability to move. 

Their maknae’s skin is still so pale it nearly blends perfectly with the sterile hospital sheets covering her. There is a bandage above her left eye and a nasal cannula wrapped beneath her nose. She looks as lifeless as she did earlier in the night when she fell and Jisoo is sure this nauseous feeling she has isn’t going to go away for a very long time.

Chaeyoung is following right behind Jennie as both girls go to the other side of Lisa’s bed, furthest from the door and close to the window. Jisoo sees the tears streaming freely down both of their cheeks as they gather next to the unconscious Lisa but Jisoo still can’t move her legs. 

Jennie begins to lovingly brush Lisa’s hair back off her forehead and Chaeyoung grabs a hold of Lisa’s hand gently but firmly, careful to avoid the IV needle attached to the top of it. 

“Lili, baby we’re right here, okay?” Jennie says to the girl, her voice so soft and full of love and so many other emotions Jisoo feels overwhelmed herself on Lisa’s behalf. 

“We’re so glad you’re going to be okay. You really scared us.” Chaeyoung whispers, her finger carefully tracing patterns on Lisa’s hand as she holds it close. 

Jisoo tries to take a steadying breath, and once she gets past that step she is able to finally move a step forward.

Everything feels so heavy. Her limbs. The drum of her heartbeat against her chest. The air. The whole situation is heavy and not something Jisoo finds herself ready to deal with yet. This should have never happened…she should’ve never allowed this to happen.

She’s made so many promises over the years. To Lisa. To the other members. To herself. To Lisa’s mother.

Oh god.

Her steps falter. 

How will she ever look Lisa’s mother in the eyes again. She swore to the woman she loves and respects as much as her own mother that she would always watch out for her daughter and here Lisa is, unnecessarily hurt and broken.

A situation that could’ve been so easily avoided if Jisoo had just stepped in and done what she promised she would always do.

She failed to protect Lisa. 

This is all her fault.

My fault.

My fault.

She feels her breathing picking up rapidly, and the guilt is rising in her throat like bile.

Wait.

No it’s actual bile.

Her hand clamps over her mouth and her stomach lurches painfully as her eyes dart over Lisa’s unconscious form. She whirls around and barely makes it into the bathroom before she is emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet.

The acidic burn in her throat and nose makes her gag even more and she’s on her knees, dry heaving as a few tears stream down her face. 

A hand begins rubbing soothing circles on her back and if Jisoo wasn’t so distraught the action would’ve startled her for sure. 

Someone is wiping her mouth with a paper towel and saying something to her but everything around her is so foggy she can’t place the words or the voice right away.

“Unnie? Breathe.”

It’s definitely Jennie. 

A hand rakes through her hair, the action soothing her almost immediately. She didn’t realize how much she needed the reassuring contact until this very moment. She had been so focused on holding it together all night but she can’t do it anymore. 

Before she knows it the tears become uncontrollable and the dry heaving morphs into broken sobs. Her body hurts but she can’t hold anything in any longer.

“She’s okay, Unnie. She’s okay.” Jennie’s arms wrap around her and she allows herself the small comfort of finally crumbling and letting everything swell to the surface. “I know what you’re doing to yourself right now, Jisoo. It’s not your fault.”

Jisoo feels a strong surge of love toward the girl holding her. They had always been on the same wavelength, her and Jennie, despite their personalities being nearly opposite. They have always tried to tackle the burdens of their group and other issues together, sharing the weight while trying to shelter the younger two. 

When she’s at her lowest Jennie always seems to be there. And she will never not be grateful for that. But this time she isn’t sure Jennie or her words or the comfort of her arms are going to be enough. 

She just wants to go back to this morning, or even the moment before they went on stage, to prevent this whole event from ever occurring. She feels anger at the whole situation, and a desperation to fix it. 

But the problem is there is no way to fix it because it’s already happened and Lisa is sick and hurting and they’re past the point where Jisoo can do anything to prevent it. 

She isn’t sure how long she sits in Jennie’s arms but eventually the younger girl manages to coax her up and walks her out of the bathroom.

“Let’s not think of anything right now, Unnie. We can talk things through later, let’s just be there for Lisa right now, okay?”

Jisoo allows the other girl to lead her towards Lisa’s bed, but doesn’t say anything in reply. She isn’t sure she can form words even if she were to make an attempt. Chaeyoung has pulled up a chair to Lisa’s side and only spares them a quick glance, her tearful gaze staying glued to Lisa’s face and her hand gripping onto Lisa’s lifeless one. 

Jisoo arrives at Lisa’s side and Jennie doesn’t relinquish her hold on her. Instead she holds tighter, probably for Jisoo’s comfort and her own. Jisoo knows the others are feeling just as terrible as she is and it only adds to her guilt.

She’s not only let Lisa down but now Jennie and Chaeyoung as well. They shouldn’t have to worry about her on top of worrying about Lisa. 

Lisa. Her Lisa. Their Lisa.

Their baby sister who looks so young and helpless, who looked so scared before she passed out backstage, who Jisoo would do absolutely anything to trade places with…

She’s hurt and there’s nothing any of them can do about it anymore.

Jisoo leans down, placing a gentle kiss to Lisa’s forehead. Jennie keeps a grounding hand against her back, giving Jisoo the strength she wouldn’t have if she were standing on her own.

Her hand finds Lisa’s and she gives it a squeeze, trying not to focus on how cold it is. 

She’s okay. She’s going to be fine.

“I’m right here, Lisa.” She whispers into the younger girl’s ear, so low she’s sure Jennie and Chaeyoung didn’t even hear it.

She pushes away the guilt. The anger. The sick feeling in her stomach that still hasn’t gone away. She tries instead to be strong. To be thankful. Lisa is okay. She’s not 100% healthy yet and the bandage and her pale skin make her look broken but she isn’t. 

She focuses on that fact and the angry determination that wells inside her. She may not be able to go back in time and prevent Lisa from being hurt but she’s damn sure she’ll never let it happen again.

“I’ve got you.”

She only needs to take a split second glance at Chaeyoung—the love and loyalty shining bright in the younger girl’s eyes as she stares at Lisa, and Jennie who has moved to Jisoo’s other side to lovingly stroke her hand through Lisa’s hair—to know that they were all thinking the same thing. 

She brings Lisa’s hand up and places a quick kiss to the back of it.

“We’ve got you now. Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it took so long to update life has been crazy I promise to try and get the next chapter out sooner. I was originally going to have this be just a quick 2 chapter story but I want to give all the girls a POV chapter so there will be 4 in total now. Thanks for reading I hope you enjoy:)


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